Have No Envy and No Fear...

So, it’s been ages since I last blogged. Shame on me!

Life has been rather busy you see, and inbetween ministry stuff, family times, making time for old friends, meeting new friends and the planning of adventures, there has been little time for blogging or even scrappy journaling…

Sometimes there are seasons of life like that I guess, so full of living that there’s no time to write about the journey.

But, today is my day off – this week is pretty jam packed, and so I’ve had to grab whatever bits of time I can. And so I have slept, drunk tea, done some work on an exciting non-day-job related project, and spent some much needed time strumming away on my guitar in my front room. My soul feels fed, which is what Sabbath times are all about.

As I strummed and hummed and disturbed whatever neighbours weren’t out at work, my fingers and voice found their way to the song ‘No envy and No fear’ by the lovely Joshua Radin (who, incidentally, is lovely because he writes beautiful truths and not just because he’s really hot.)

Here’s the song as it’s meant to be sung:

I think my fingers and voice found their way to that song in particular because my life seems to be shifting seasons at the moment, and the message to have ‘No Envy and No Fear’ is an attractive and timely one.

Something I have been dreaming big dreams about - along with my sister - for some time, is moving from dreaming to reality. I will blog more about that in the coming weeks, but suffice it to say that when something big shifts up from the dreaming stage to the making-it-a-reality stage, it brings with it many things.

It brings practical things - paperwork and framework and form filling and hoop-jumping.

It brings exciting things – vision casting and inviting people to be a part of the dream and the immeasurable sense of Father God smiling down on something that was His plan in the first place, and that He has allowed us to join in.

It also brings, as any emerging dream-into-reality does, moments of sheer terror.

I have likened this to the feeling that you get at the start of an epic rollercoaster.

You’ve queued. You’ve strapped in the harness. And now you’re making that slow, creaking, clicking journey to the top of the first drop.

You know that as soon as you crest that rise you will go flying down at speeds unimaginable. You will be flung all over the place, and all that will be holding you in is the force of gravity and a flimsy plastic seat belt.

There’s no getting off at that point.

But it will be the ride of your life.

And all of this ‘nearly-at-the-top-no-going-back-now’ emotion has been causing me to mull on the ideas of seizing the moment and daring to leap into the unknown…themes which I think are always present for those who want to both feel, and actually be, fully alive.

I think that sometimes we settle. We settle for the comfortable, for the safe, for the predictable.

Sometimes this is an act of self preservation – sometimes we need to be in that safe place, to consolidate all we have learned, to be healthy and stable and secure so that we can move on to the next stage of adventure from a place of strength. That can be positive.

But sometimes, and I suspect most of the time, we settle because of fear.

Don Miller wrote a great blog on this the other day – you can find it here: http://donmilleris.com/2011/07/11/facing-your-fears/

This fear may come from our experiences of what happened the last time we stepped out in that area.

To that fear I choose to say ‘why do you assume it will be the same THIS time? Things have changed, YOU have changed, lessons have been learned. Don’t assume it will be the same this time and, even if it turns out to be the same or similar, what is the alternative?! Living in a secure closed off bubble of self-preservation?!’

This fear may come from worrying about what might happen if we fail.

To that fear I choose to say ‘So what. So what if you fail. At least you tried. At least you had the courage to step out into the unknown and give it a shot.’ If you were my friend and you stepped out but failed, even if you failed spectacularly, I would still be on the sidelines cheering you on, I would still be immeasurably proud that you had the balls to move out of your comfort zone and go for it, and I would stand with you in the moments afterwards as you learned the lessons from the journey. After all, some of the most valuable things we learn are from our mistakes, and everyone is entitled to make them. I know my friends would say the same to me.

Or, this fear may come from the fact that we don’t think we have what it takes.

We are paralysed by an awareness of our own limitations, or a de-valuing of our worth. I happen to be a Jesus-Follower, and so live my life daily in the knowledge that my own limitations are nothing to fear as it is ‘Christ who works in me’. And, armed with that knowledge, Me plus Jesus is an unbeatable combination.

And so, to that fear I offer the challenge of a quote from Marianne Williamson, which was used by Nelson Mandela in his inaugural speech:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Of course, our understanding of what it means to be 'brilliant, talented, gorgeous and famous' is all rooted in what those things look like from a heavenly, Kingdom perspective rather than a shallow, worldly one...a Kingdom where the first will be last and the last will be first, a Kingdom where the creator of the universe became man, and washed His disciples feet. Brilliance, Talent, Beauty and Fame all look very different through the Kingdom lens.

To live with No Envy means to be able to champion the causes of those around us, to cheer them on as they become all they were created to be and join in the Great Adventure of life-in-all-its-fullness. It means to be comfortable enough with who we are that we have no need to envy others, as we know that we are who we were meant to be, and that in itself is enough. Why be a pale imitation of someone else when you can be a dazzling version of YOU, with all the adventures and opportunities that brings? When we have no envy we are free to pursue our dreams, because they are not dependant on a flawed perception of our own value or capability based on comparisons with others. It brings a huge freedom to just be who we were created to be and do what we were created to do.

To live with No Fear becomes much more easy when we first learn to live with No Envy. When our souls are free from the measuring sticks we impose on the world, ourselves, and the people around us, when we are no longer bound up by our concern with the opinions of others, our definitions of what it means to ‘succeed’ and not ‘fail’ change, and the things we are fearful of diminish drastically in the light of this freedom.

When we realise that we are free to be who we were created to be, free to dream huge dreams, free to be people who CAN change the world, fear becomes a much less attractive emotion than the raw excitement and anticipation that are offered by the ‘pursuit of the dream’.

And so, as I walk into the journey before me I will choose to have No Envy and No Fear, only the heady scent of adventure and the vague feeling of butterflies in my stomach as I approach the top of a very high, very scary, but kick-ass exciting roller-coaster.

I hope you will do the same.